I had grand plans (ask my colleagues, I told them about it). Top of which were re-doing the bathroom cabinet and ripping out the bamboo. Based on the title of this post you can probably tell I haven’t done either. (Though now I think about it, with half a day of offical holidays and two weekend days I could make some progress of ripping out the bamboo)
Guilt is flowing through my body at the thought of potentially having wasted those 14 days, until I remember… duh! I was on holidays. HOL-E-DAYS. I could do whatever I liked. The guilt comes from a fast paced society where success usually means working non-stop. Or at least that’s what has obviously gotten across to my brain given the conflict of emotions.
Relaxation is also something I support (I hope everyone does!), but why is it hard to relax without guilt if I’m not on a tropical island?
Personally, if I look deep into my feelings I know I’m worried about what people will think: my work colleagues, my partner, myself.
Granted, I’ve just had a conversation with my partner about it because it’s 11 o’clock and I’m still in my pyjamas. Which, after telling him the conversation was making me feel worse, he grinned and told me he wished he could spend all day in his pyjamas and reminded me I’m on holidays.
And, “Dude!” I say to myself. “Your work colleagues won’t care! They like you! They’ll just be jealous they didn’t get two weeks to lounge around and do minimal chores whilst the system is upgraded.”
That just leaves Me. The big, old me. Or small, young me if you actually know me. Since I’m short and in my early twenties. The main issue with most mental stuff is getting around yourself.
Therefore, here’s a list of some things I’ve done in the last 11 and 1/2 days (and maybe what I hope to do in the next 2 and 1/2 days) to reassure myself it’s OKAY to RE-LAX:
- Walked my dog for at least half an hour every day for the past week.
- Caught up on studying and completed my first assessment.
- Did five loads of washing in the first week (Lots for only two of us. I don’t know how we ended up with that much backed up and still had stuff to wear…!)
- Cutting up half of the bamboo I had already hacked off and depositing into the green bin.
- Finally filmed two more BookTube videos.
- Finally uploaded one of those BookTube videos.
- Tidying up the house and folding all the washing from the loads done.
- Making a slow cooked meal for the first time.
- Writing the first in a series of blog posts about single use plastic free living
- Finishing the Pillars of the Earth mini series (because that is STILL an achievement)
This has helped. Now over the next two and a half days I’m going to:
- Binge watch three episodes of Doctor Who because I want to watch the Silence In the Library episode in broad daylight.
- Take the pickaxe out of my car (for the bamboo).
- Cut up some more bamboo or dig some more roots out.
- Iron my work clothes – OH, I could do that while watching Doctor Who.