I am an arachnophobe and before you run screaming, I will not be posting any pictures of spiders. (Seriously, websites with information on how to cure arachnophobia have pictures of spiders. What person is going to seek help on that site when you are literally showing them their fear?)
I had this idea years ago, that through writing I would cure my phobia. I can’t even look at photos (and to be fair they are majorly zoomed in to show all the scary parts in high definition), but I thought if I wrote enough about them I could desensitise myself enough to move forward with curing my fear. I would probably force myself to research them because I like being correct in what I write – but right now the thought of doing that makes me remember my Mum say she found a nest of a huntsman spider and it was like, “something from a horror movie.” (P.S. I’m scared of them the most)
My motivation is two fold: 1) the crippling fear and anxiety SUCKS 2) I don’t want to pass on this mostly irrational fear to my future children.
I have literally stood staring at a wall where a huntsman spider hung because I was too terrified to do anything. Can’t take my eyes off it cause it’ll move. If I get something to kill it with it’ll lash out at me (could be true, but these types of spiders are pretty docile and won’t usually attack you especially if you’re holding a long broom or bug spray).
Why have I decided to start now?
On New Year’s day we had a visit and my best friend took care of him (thanks, John), and although I’m not a HUGE believer of “signs” (although I constantly saw the name of the street we bought our house on weeks before the auction), I took this to mean that I should do something. It appeared on New Year’s day, of all days, therefore it’s telling me this year is the year.
Therefore I vowed to do something, but low and behold, January passed and I’d written a measly sentence. Then an announcement for a 2019 writing competition kicked my butt into gear.
I’m not going to enter this year, that would NOT work, but I am using it as a goal for 2019 to be ready to enter in 2020. I’ve created a goal tracker on NaNo and although the pace is slow, it’ll allow me to write & edit enough before the deadline for next year.
Last night I wrote 518 words; some easy, many hard, but I pushed through. I may have been super jumpy at some parts, but I did it, it’ll only go up from here (at least until I do research and have to think in detail…but I’m thinking I’ll tackle that in the second draft when I get used to picturing them in detail in my brain first, before I look at pictures).
Wish me luck!
What are you working on? Anything that terrified you? How do you get over your fears?